February 27, 2011

One of those big, flashing neon signs.

Cruz and I are sleeping through reading Proverbs together. To be honest, I have never read through the entire book. Possibly because that Proverbs 31 gal is one intimidating chickie. 

But reading Proverbs out loud has stirred in my heart a desire to pursue wisdom and purity of heart in a new way. We have some new family adventures in front of us, and I can sense that the Lord will be using the months ahead to refine my character. 

Well, the Lord knows I need big bright neon signs before I wise up and start paying attention. So it was no surprise when our sermon at church was the first in a series on Proverbs. 

Our pastor talked about the need for a humble heart in order to gain wisdom. 
And that a humble heart comes from confession. 

And here's some truth, I can no longer just read the words of Proverbs. I need to start living them. 

Dang it. Confession is so hard. 
But here we go...

I have a jealous heart, and am so not proud of it. 

I say a lot things that I regret. I wish I spoke with more grace. That's good to remember: less snark, more grace.

I gossip. And I'm not just talking about celebrities. 

I watch way too much Real Housewives.

I am sorry that I am not always the wife/mama/daughter/friend/coworker that you deserve. 
Thank you all for the grace you continually give me. 

I don't like writing these things down. I'm afraid you'll look at me and think me undeserving. That you'll think badly of me. That you'll know (probably correctly) that in fact you are a better mama than I could hope to be. 

But, man oh man, do I want need to be humble and wise. 

Because look at this guy!

I want to be the kind of child of God that deserves this happiness.

And that starts with knowing that I never will. 

Guess that's grace. 

And there's this too:
Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don't try to figure everything out on your own.
Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
 he's the one who will keep you on track.
Don't assume that you know it all.
   Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
   your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
   give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
   your wine vats will brim over.
But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline;
   don't sulk under his loving correction.
It's the child he loves that 
God corrects;
   a father's delight is behind all this.

{Proverbs 3:5-6}
from The Message

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