January 30, 2012

today while you napped

today while you napped, i furiously leapt into action.
dark laundry thrown into the washer.
breakfast swept away.
dog fed. blankets folded. bible put away.

i sat down and cranked out an hour of client phone calls before jumping into the shower and racing against the clock to blow dry my hair before you shout "up! uuuuppppp! mommmeeee!"

but you're still sleeping so i sit down to write.

and there you are. i'll come back to this later.


it's now like ten hours later.

cruz, i had wanted to write about motherhood and the choices i've made about working or not working and what i've learned from that and what i hope you learn from it and where i think God is calling our family in this season.

but i'm just tired.

not stressed tired and surprisingly not sleep-deprived tired because you were a horrific sleeper all weekend (that'll teach us to share a room with you!), but just full-from-dinner-and-i-have-a-good-book-waiting-on-my-kindle tired.

and while i have more thoughts on motherhood and working and God, they'll wait.
maybe that's the lesson you needed today anyhow.

ps: this is what you look like when you wake up, ya goofball.

January 21, 2012


i took cruz out for a run on tuesday.
the student that i tutor had cancelled and i suddenly had two free hours. 
lately i have been stressing about a lot of things, and finding time to exercise has been one of them. i mean, it's just priorities, right? but i can't seem to fit actual exercise into my day when there is so much exercise on pinterest to look at, do you feel what i am saying?

so into the bob stroller he went, cup of cheerios clasped in fist, and i turned on my new needtobreathe cd which is really good, kind of like a christian mumford and sons, so no swearing, but lots of old-timey outfits. you can't see the outfits when you're listening to the cd, of course. but i can still picture them. nice and old-timey. 

when i say we went for a run, i don't mean anything long and i certainly don't mean anything fast, but i do mean that we enjoyed ourselves and then we stopped off at the park on the way home. 

a mom and her daughter walked up the hill and joined us on the slides. 
"she's a baby!" the girl said, pointing at cruz.
"that's a boy," the mom corrected.
she looked at me. "gosh, you're so good to be running. i haven't exercised in forever." she gestured at her daughter.

i looked down at my running pants which were covered in woodchips. 
and baby snot.

see, i had just been thinking to myself that i looked like a mess and look at this mom who was so put together and had a cute vest with fur on the hood and really nice sunglasses and adorable shoes. she was calm, cool, collected and on her way to starbucks for hot chocolate which was super adorable. i hadn't showered and wasn't planning on it either, think about that

i looked at her and saw someone who had it all together. i felt inferior. she looked at me and saw the same thing (plus she saw someone who could build a boat or at least a small raft solely from the sticks of wood clinging to her bum).

so now i think we should just give each other grace. give ourselves grace. i don't have it together and frankly you don't either. and when we do have it all together, that's awesome! you having it together is no threat to me, just as i am not to you. so i'll love you and you love me and next time i'll ask you if you want to come running with us. 

January 16, 2012

fifteen months

cruz at fifteen months.

every day your dad and i look at each other and say, "this is the best age." we'll probably say the same thing in a few months, but seriously, you are a blast of a baby. you are funny. you have a kind heart. baby jesus answered my prayers and gave me a reader. you are easy going and easily pleased. i'm not even going to talk about how much you nap and sleep for fear of jinxing what we've got going on. i am amazed by how much you learn every day! and whatever you're up to, you are busy, busy, busy. here are a few of your favorite things: 

toy: our phones, the tv remote... when you can get your little paws on them! lately you've been playing with your trucks a lot, but you'd rather spend your time climbing than sitting and playing. 
 fruit: i can't shovel fruit in fast enough! no matter what it is, you'll eat it. 
tv show: ha! as if mommy would let you watch anything. ok, we sometimes watch elmo clips on youtube and you LOVE it. 
 food at lunch: fruit and crackers. could you be more of a toddler?
 outfit: naked! 
 game: for some reason you love to poke our eyes and shout "eyes! eyes!" it's kind of twisted.
animal: puppies are still the apple of your eye, but lions are coming in a close second. at christmas, your uncle josh taught you how to roar like one. you are also weirdly attached to the yak on your placemat.
song: "the wheels on the bus" or as you call it, "rou' rou'"
book: the very hungry caterpillar. we read this at least ten times a day. my world has changed since you learned how to say "again."
thing to do outside: we are lucky enough to live three houses away from a park. every day we take your "cozy coup" down the street, crawl on the equipment, and go down the slides. it's the perfect place to watch for airplanes and cars. 
thing to sleep with: your paci ("yassy"). dr iris thinks we're going to wean you off the pacifier at fifteen months, but she's wrong.

thanks for being so awesome, cruz. we love you. 

January 13, 2012

going up the stairs

i have been too tired to write.

it seems like cruz has been at his most charming lately, but i just can't seem to get it all down on paper (computer screen?). new words, new sense of humor, new tricks. it's all just coming at me too fast.

and i work from home. now, it's not like i invented stress or anything, or that i have it worse than anyone else, but managing working from home is hard enough without being in a stressful season of work. do you ever get nervous before you open an email? do you feel me here?

obviously cruz thought this would be a great week to wean himself.
i have mixed feelings about this (duh), but i think my hormones are making me weepy. i have tears in my eyes just telling you about this, and the only thing i'm doing right now is typing while i'm on hold!

it has been a week.

so then this happened:

 cruz likes to go up stairs.
i start to carry him up (way faster, obviously)
"mommeeeeeeee," he says, straining out of my arms, noggin pointed straight down. 
i set him on the second or third step and he crawls up and down, up and down. 
he cannot stop giggling.

we weren't in a rush today, so i crawled next to him.
our hands were on the same step
cruz held my left in his right, picked it up and showed me how to get to the next step. 

mommy, why walk when you can crawl with me?


January 4, 2012

some things we've been learning lately

here are some things we've been learning lately: 

+ how to walk!!
in the morning when i rise, and in the evening when i put cruz to bed, i pray that he will learn to walk. 
i was going to give myself two more months of crawling before a full-on panic began. 
 crawling, you are so 2011.

+ all about snacks.
cruz lovingly says "sna" and gets all dreamy-faced when you give him a cracker.
we walked into trader joe's the other day and he pointed at the sample counter and began demanding "num num! num num!" 

+ don't start anything you can't finish.
this is the golden rule of raising a toddler.
now, i don't know it from experience (because obviously who in their right mind would do this), but i have this friend who let her 15 month old play with her iphone and now he makes it known that the phone is his every time he sees it. 
don't start anything you can't finish.

+ the iphone.
if you ever want to learn some cool tricks that your iphone does, hand it to a 15 month old. so i hear.

+ how to fly with a toddler.
we recently wrestled an octopus for two hours flew to seattle and back, and discovered that the two best things you can do on a flight are 1) feed that kid for the entire length of the trip and 2) sit behind another toddler.
if you can't do that, you're screwed.

+ that little pitchers have big ears.
as i've mentioned before, i like to watch the daily show while i get our breakfast ready.
yesterday "gitmo" was on to talk with jon stewart. gitmo is basically elmo with a beard, and who has been detained at guantanamo bay indefinitely. this sounds weird if you don't watch tds, and is a little weird even if you do.
well, cruz, who has never watched sesame street but voraciously reads elmo books, looked at my computer screen, started pointing and saying "e'mo! e'mo!"
if he starts saying, "this is the final rose," i'm really in trouble.

+ cruz is a teething champ.
on our way to the airport, i happened to glance into cruz's mouth and noticed that he had cut four new teeth without so much as a peep.
having endured my fair share of teething woes, all i can say is "bless you, boy."

+ language development is complex.
cruz points to a monkey. i say, "that's a monkey."
next time, cruz points to a monkey and says (something similar to) "monkey."
cruz dives for the tv remote. i take it away and says, "that's mommy's."
next time, cruz points to the remote and says, "mommy."

What He Wore On Wednesday

I couldn't find our camera this morning, so it's INSTA-Wedneday!

Rise and shine, truck jammies!

Seriously, that's the best picture I could capture of them. This kid is fast in the mornings!

Cruz is developing the sweetest, most tender personality. Hugs for everyone!

This picture probably captures some of the most important things in life: stripes + pup hugs + thigh chub. Adore. 

And how cute is this shirt from my mom?

After Cruz dismantled his diaper bag and an entire row of the bookshelf, it was time to head across the street to the park.

We played hard and now it's time for bed. 

This picture is so sweet-- Cruz is excited because he's reading a book with "puppy" and "balls." But don't let it deceive you; exactly thirty seconds earlier he threw a fit because I wouldn't let him hold my iphone. Mean mommy. 

ps: someone took a lot of steps today!!!

January 2, 2012

resolution #1: up with the dawn

a little uncharacteristically, i've made more than a few new year's resolutions.
for the last two years, my resolution has been to bring reusable bags to the grocery store (aim high!).
i'm pretty good at it now, and giddy with success, i've set my sights on improving myself.
(confession: i am writing this while watching the bachelor, so you are free to draw your own conclusions as to potential areas-of-life-to-improve)

here's resolution #1... to get up early every morning. 

cruz has an elmo book that we read many, many times a day ("e'mo!").
i realized today that i have the entire book memorized.
it is not a well-written book. 
one of the lines is, "farmers love to wake up early/roosters love to crow."
if this is a picture of someone who loves to wake up early, i am really in trouble.

so why am i doing this?
i have been getting up early (like, early early) for awhile, but i'm not always consistent about it.
my goal is to get up early every day, spend time praying, reading the Word, and getting prepared for the day before the rest of the family is up.

every morning i want His voice to be the first i hear.

to help me get up each morning, i am participating in the Hello Morning Challenge!
the idea is simple: you get up, have your morning cup of coffee with God, encourage the other women in your accountability group. 
i am so looking forward to walking with a new group of women as we strive to give Jesus the first and the best of our days.
to be a more patient mom, a more loving wife, a more dedicated employee, a more gracious daughter, a more joyful friend, a better steward of my time, resources... none of these happen unless He is at the center. 

want to get up early too?


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