The New Rules of Nursing

Dr. Sears wrote the thickest baby book available at Borders. As a new mom, I wanted as much information as I could lay my hands on, so I bought it. It's inventively titled, "The Baby Book" and is written as the Absolute Authority on All Things Baby. I have been eating it up.

Dr. Sears, a man, by the way, has a lot of opinions on nursing. They seem to be mostly informed by his wife (who thinks that self-expressing milk is preferable to pumping. Maybe that should have been my first clue). Babies, says Dr. Sears should have as much skin-to-skin contact as possible. Preferably while nursing, and definitely in the middle of the night. I am nothing if not a rule-follower, and have been trying very hard to adhere to the guidelines set forth by the Absolute Authority on All Things Baby. Even if he is a man.

Cruz and I were enjoying our middle of the night feeding. Once I wake up, I actually enjoy our 2am bonding. His eyes are so big and twinkly in the dim light of the room and his cheeks are just so delicious. I love being able to sneak in these extra snuggles. As a good Dr. Sears follower, I had stripped Cruz down to a little onesie for our feeding (this was he second nighttime outfit. Outfit #1 had previously been pooped on). I heard him poop, which is a wonderful sound to any new mom (I'm not the only one, right? Right?). A few minutes later, he was ready to go back to sleep, so I put him up on my shoulder for a burp, and laid my head on my back for a sneaky cuddle. Another poop. Suddenly, I was aware of a damp feeling on my cheek, hand, and leg. That lovely, runny, newborn poop was everywhere. On Cruz. On me. His outfit, my outfit. The boppy. The sheets on the bed. The pillows.

New Nursing Rule: Pants are required.

We cleaned up, and put on Outfit #3. I carried Cruz to his room, and we snuggled down into the rocking chair. I was chuckling to myself, thinking about how Dr. Sears clearly wasn't in charge of middle of the night feedings in his house. What kind of crazy person was hang around with a newborn sans pants? I started rocking faster, congratulating myself on learning another Lesson in Mamahood. We rocked faster. I started to think about how I wanted to blog about this hilarious incident. Faster. I even came up with the title to the blog! Faster. Cruz looked up at me with the disarming toothless grin he's been practicing. I snuggled him closer. Bam! Massive spit-up all over me. The kind that goes down your shirt and soaks your underwear.

New Nursing Rule: Mama must wear head-to-toe vinyl whenever she is in the same room as Baby.

After I changed into Outfit #3 and Cruz was in Outfit #4, we were finally ready for bed. There we were, sitting in the dim light of the nursery, surrounded by an impressive pile of laundry, and still, it was the sweetest moment.