some things i've been thinking about

+ we needed to make room for some important things in our freezer this week. you know, like a costco-sized bag of sweet potatoes and candy cane joe-joe ice cream. important stuff. to squeeze all that goodness in there, i had to throw out old frozen bags of pumped breastmilk.

i realize that not everyone reading this will understand how that feels, so let me paint a picture: imagine that one payday, your boss hands you a check. you deserve this check. you have worked really, really hard for this check. you are going to put it towards something awesome.

but instead, on the way home, you willingly throw it out the window.

that is what throwing out breastmilk feels like.

+ is your one year old a picky eater? mine is. lately he has been very unwilling to eat vegetables (or at least, very very willing to share them with the dog). the other day, i found some yogurt at whole foods that is yogurt on top, green beans on the bottom! genius. cruz has no idea what hit him. 

+ i am almost done with my christmas shopping. scaled down christmas is the best. if you are familiar with the five love languages, and also familiar with me, it will probably not surprise you that words of affirmation is (are?) the number one way i feel and give love (just tell me you like me, ok?). if you know me, it will probably not surprise you that giving gifts is the worst way i feel and give love. you probably know this because i have either gotten you a terrible present or just shown up at your birthday party with nothing at all. i tend to get overwhelmed at this time of year when confronted with so much gift-giving. but this year i have really scaled back on who and how much, and i'm finding that my gifts are much more thoughtful. i think. i guess you, gift-recipient, will be the judge of that.

+ this morning i dropped tovi off at work. we got there early, and put cruz to work making phone calls. he's really good at it.

+ tovi bought me the justin beiber christmas cd for an early present (i am not even going to pretend to be embarrassed because i love it). i have always kind of laughed about christmas albums, especially those of the secular variety. they're just a cash cow for artists, right? how hard can it be to crank out "santa baby"? let's be honest, christina aguilera has a christmas album and one of the songs is "xtina's christmas." but beiber man... solid gold. how can you argue with a song that includes the lines "Playin' for the King, playin for the Title, I'm surprised you didn't hear this in the Bible" and also "People everywhere and all our Twitter followers, Merry Christmas, Kwanza, happy Hanukkah!" both of those lines are in the same song. and that song is little drummer boy. i know. 

+ cruz has been super snuggly lately. before he gets into his crib, he likes to sprawl out on me. sometimes he murmurs "gubba gubba gubba" to himself. it is slightly endearing. ok, super endearing!

+ i do not like to take risks. i am a perfectionist to the core. in a startling move, i have become part of a writing group. we sent each other our first pieces over the weekend. obviously, the moment i hit 'send' i wanted to make a bajllion edits, but it was gone. done. it was read and will be critiqued and i will be humbled. this is going to be good for me. 


+ inspired by one of our pastors, we have begun saying "thank you prayers" and "help me prayers" each night with cruz. i'll say a prayer, and then he'll repeat back the words that he knows. 
me: thank you God for abby
cruz: aaaaaabba
me: thank you God for mommy and daddy
cruz: mommeeeeee, dadda
me: God, help me learn how to walk
cruz: (i'm not saying anything, woman! crawling is the best!)

and lastly...

+ for those who need it: during the christmas season we pretend like everything is cheery (or as beiber sings, "it's that time of the year when you let everything go and you know... shake it, shake it, baby." really? does he mean mardi gras?) but the christmas season is just a made up one, and it is the advent season that is real. from advent we learn these truths: we are a people in darkness. we know that morning is coming. 

"comfort, comfort, o my people... comfort those who sit in darkness, groaning 'neath their sorrows load" 

we are not meant to live with sorrow and pain and death. we are created for something far better. 

"a thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices"