December 6, 2011

a series of increasingly horrifying discoveries

this morning i had a lovely, inspiring back and forth with a girlfriend. we talked about marriage, staying at home with our boys, the balance of being a wife and a mama, keeping the romance alive, cultivating a peaceful home...

i should have known then how the day would turn out.

cruz never went down for his morning nap. 
i left him in the crib, but never felt comfortable enough to take a shower in case he really started wailing. 
it was 11am and i was still in Uggs, thick green socks, sweats that were redeemed from a giveaway pile in college, literally my high school sweatshirt, hair in a messy pony.
romance? nailed it.
i started to clean, hoping i could at least tackle "cultivating a peaceful home." 
i moved the toy box aside for a quick vacuum and came face to face with my first horrifying discovery of the day:
a paci so old and forgotten that it had grown a beard of dog hair
or so it seemed.
i pinched it before my enterprising son could ever find it and scalded and steamed it right clean.

the baby chattered on and on, refusing to let me shower.
next, i tackled the dishes.

friends, there are only a few things more horrifying than washing out a long forgotten sippy cup of goat milk.

at this point, i figured that i had reached my limit on nasty discoveries for the morning. i was sad to be missing out on a shower for the day, but decided that cruz had had enough crib playtime. time to give up and give him a bath.

there's something about the second poop of the day that is just far more horrifying than the first.

before i went to the bathroom to deal with the diaper mess, i stripped cruz down to nothing, closed off all the doors upstairs and let him play in the hallway. you have never seen a baby move as fast as a naked cruz. 

i was figuratively up to my elbows in poop when i heard cruz's tone turn from "hurray!" to "hurry mommy." poking my head out of the bathroom door, i realized that cruz had peed a lake in the middle of the hallway
crawled quickly through it
slipped and skidded 
and finally, judging from the waterfall of blood all over his body,
bit down on his lip as his fell. 
in pee.

"omg," i thought. "thank goodness there is a huge pile of chocolate chip cookies downstairs."

that is when i made the worst discovery of them all: the cookies were gone.

from the silent treatment he received upon coming home, tovi quickly determined i was upset about the morning and the cookie situation.
"i'll be back soon," he said, dodging my glare. "just have to deposit some checks."

twenty minutes later, cruz was actually down for a nap and tovi walked in the door to tell me to go sit at my desk.
and this is what he brought me:

yes. that is keeping the romance alive. 


  1. LOL!! omg i am DYING right now!!

  2. Oh my gosh, this is a fantastic post. So honest and so entertaining...although I'm certain that it wasn't for you at the time :) That IS true romance.

  3. You are blessed with a loving husband! Love and prayers, Aunt Beth

  4. Tara... of COURSE this all happened right after our email exchange. Of course it did. :)

    Robin... thanks!! In moments like these I just pray that my sense of humor will remain intact.

    Aunt Beth... sure am. :D Love that guy!


comments make my day. xo.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...