glad submission

at our new church we are studying the book of ephesians verse by verse. there is so much life-giving goodness in ephesians; some of my favorite verses in the Bible come from this book, including cruz's lifeverse (ephesians 3:16-19). but can i confess something to you? it was with a little trepidation that i went to church this morning knowing that we would be tackling ephesians 5:22-30. oh you know, the wives submit to your husbands part of ephesians.

i was nervous that i wouldn't like what the pastor had to say. i was worried that i would be turned off from this church that i am really growing to love. i was worried that i would leave feeling less than as a woman. this piece of scripture has been used so often to put women in uncomfortable or even dangerous places, and i worried about how our church would interpret it.

but our pastor is great and our God greater, and i left church feeling so energized about our marriage and my role in it. once the sermon is ready for download, i'll post it here in case you want to listen, but in the meantime, here are a couple of my take-aways. maybe they'll be a blessing for you too!

+ God's commands in scripture bring glory to Him and joy to our lives. i do not need to fear God's Word. it is for my blessing. i may not agree with how other people interpret this passage. i may not always want to obey Scripture. i certainly will not always understand Scripture. but it is God's Word and it is life-giving. when i approach tricky passages with this attitude, i will certainly see how it can bless my life.

+ marriage is meant to be a reflection of the trinity. between husband and wife there is full equality, glad submission, joyful intimacy, and mutual deference. i think pastor lazo really hit the nail on the head here, and i love all these Trinitarian characteristics that he pulled out. "glad submission." "joyful intimacy." look, that is what we're striving for in marriage and if we can achieve a little of that, we'll be high-fiving each other all over the place. and don't you love the picture of Father, Son, and Holy Spirit giving way to each other in glad submission?

+ so let's talk about the elephant in the room-- wives submitting to their husbands... wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Christ. would we, as the church, ever say, "bummer about submitting to Christ"? never! we submit with joy. we trust Christ. we give Him authority. we should give our husbands that same kind of trust. [important side note: pastor lazo made it incredibly clear that these guidelines for marriage are to be life-giving. in no way does this apply to wives who are in marriages with any form of abuse] so how does this work out in my marriage? for me, tovi's vote breaks the tie. if we are deciding between two ways to spend our money, and we each have a different idea, in the end, i will defer to his decision. that's not ever to say that i won't argue for my opinion, but in the end, i trust him to make the best decision for our family. it doesn't mean that he's smarter than me. it doesn't mean he's better than me. but i believe that Christ is pleased when i submit to others and counts it as worship to Him. and here's the challenge: what would happen if i released the tight grip of control on my life to regard my husband as my leader?
do i feel a little like i'm abandoning the feminist sisterhood here? sure, but there is no way to read the Gospels and come out thinking that you're going to have power over someone else, husband or not. Christ was there at the creation of the Universe, He is God's Word made Flesh and still He gave up His life for me while i did not deserve it. so yeah... i can work on dying a little bit to myself for the sake of someone like my husband that i love so much. marriage is the best place to practice how to put another's need before my own. after all, if i can't set aside my pride or my needs for my husband, would i ever be able to do the same for a stranger or an enemy? [other important side note: pastor lazo talked A LOT about the husband's role in the marriage, and husbands submitting to wives, but those aren't my take-aways. everything he talked about in relation to husbands solidified for me that mine is awesome]

+ women are helpers, and that doesn't mean we're weak. let me tell you, it's lifegiving to hear your pastor say, "sister in Christ, whoever told you that being a helper means that you're weak was lying to you. remember, the Holy Spirit is also called the helper." being a helper is not a diminished position, but one of power under control. additionally, wives submitting to husbands is just for wives submitting to husbands, not women submitting to men.

+ and the final takeaway... we will all fail when it comes to marriage, but Christ does not fail us. marriage is beautiful because it points us to Christ. when we mutually submit to each other in marriage, we learn that we are more sinful than we imagine and far more loved than we deserve.

so how about you? what does mutual submission look like in your marriage?

lemon festival

our little town sometimes get a bad rap. we're right next door to a world-famous gorgeous town, and somehow, there's a line between us and them that sometimes feels a little embarrassing to admit. ok, maybe it has to do with the fact that we can walk to a chili's from our house, and no one in our fancy next-door-neighbor beach town would ever dream of eating at a chili's (ok, that might be a bit dramatic). listen, don't tell those fancy-pants townees, but our little not-as-cool-but-still-a-beach-town town is secretly getting cooler all the time. we have gorgeous beaches. we have organic farms and a brew co. i always run into someone i know at the grocery store, which is a lovely aspect of living somewhere small. did you know that we have a lake? we do! it's really cute! and recently, the california lemon festival came to the huge park just a few blocks from our house. tovi was off on a recruiting trip over the weekend, so my mother-in-law and i put the kids in strollers and we walked to the festival! good cover bands, some great people watching, a little lemon chicken, and a beautiful sunset. cruz was grumpy at first-- new situations + hunger can do that to the best of us, right? we listened to the band and i kept encouraging, "shake your bum! more!" as i tried to get him to dance. (#momoftheyear) (side note: cruz has amish blood and brazilian blood coursing through his veins. when it comes to the dancing gene, amish won) london gets the silly giggles in the evening, and the lemon festival was no exception. everything was funny to her. (also, i think i caught a ufo in one of the pictures! wink, wink. can you spot it?) it seems that with every passing year, we're putting our roots deeper and wider into our community, and its really becoming home.

at its root

and this is mothering at its root. it is softly whispering, "i will rock you all night long" at ten pm, and still meaning it at four. it is bulb syringes, soaked through burp cloths, exhausted prayers, and a vow to stop looking at the clock. it is watching the sunrise in the same clothes you wore the day before because you haven't put the baby down long enough to change. it is still finding that thrill in your soul when she stops crying and smiles as you sing to her at three in the morning. this is mothering-- hard and gross and you prop your eyelids open with your fingers to stay awake because she needs you to hold her upright. and it means that you would never ask another to trade places with you because this is your night and your baby and your vigil and it is everything.

writer's block

i think this is only my second blog post in september. it's silly, really, because a lot of fun has been going on. a lot of work and busy-ness, potting training certainly, but also a lot of fun. even so i've written only one other post and the truth is that i have suffered from a fantastic month of writer's block.

in the last year, i've found that my writer's block comes at me fierce when i want to write on one idea and God would have me write on another. i want to stay safe with some topic like "girlfriend, don't even worry about never wearing those pre-baby jeans" and He would have me write about something else. not that pre-baby-jean blog posts aren't great because they are and you know me-- i like to pair my thirst for social justice with a side of which-shampoo-do-you-like-best. but right now God wants me to write on something else.

the problem is that i don't know what He wants me to write.

i don't know what He wants me to speak, but i will wait on Him. His words are (duh, of course) so much more beautiful and powerful than i could ever put down here myself. whether it is a simple truth or praise or a life-changing revelation, my words are chicken scratch, nothing but an annoying sound without God's truth and life-giving power behind them.

so i'll wait with expectation and excitement, and thrillingly watch Him dismantle my writer's block for His glory.

[side note: here's my entire post about pre-baby jeans: just get rid of them. don't even worry. nine months later, they're probably out of style anyhow. only people without babies give advice like, "wait a few weeks before trying on your old jeans." don't listen to it. don't ever try on those jeans again. you are way better than those jeans, anyhow, amen?]

where i stop and you begin

london is three and a half months old, and she's reaching that darling stage when you can catch her eye just right and everything changes. her whole face lights up with joy, she smiles so big, and even gives a little coo. "ahhh!" she says. to me it always sounds like, "ahh! there you are!" the other day she was sitting in her bouncy seat, smiling and cooing and kicking, looking up at me and we that moment when we recognized each other at the soul level: i am yours and you are mine. we are still the in the sweet place where our need for each other is so twisted together that mama and baby are still one unit and the place where i stop and she begins is fuzzy and sacred and fleeting.