lean in, lean on

i'm writing this on my back porch, feet propped up on another chair, body leaning in a weird direction to catch the last few minutes of sun. i'm breathing clean air and the raspy catch in my voice fortunately doesn't come through the keyboard. sometimes i like to pretend that the sun kills germs. does it? mostly it's an excuse to still go to the park when cruz has a cold. i hope it's working, because we've all been sick.

last week tovi was in sacramento for a soccer coaching certification and i was on my own with the kids from saturday until the next sunday. so of course (of course!) we all got sick. i noticed it first when cruz kept climbing into my bed while i got london ready for hers. he was all glassy stares and long pauses between sentences. i put the baby down to sleep and then came back to find him in pretty much the same place. i took off his shirt to get him ready for a bath, and my hands told me everything i needed to know: he was burning up. a quick swipe of his forehead with the thermometer told me the rest-- a temperature of 102. by the next morning, london caught a cold and just to make things interesting, decided that she'd stay awake from 10pm on one night until 4:30am the next morning. accordingly, i caught her cold and lost my voice.

and so began our homebound week. playdates canceled. trips to the park halted. no errands. no random trips to the grocery store or the beach. just me, two kids, one dog, and a whole lot of time on our hands.

because you know by now that cruz and i like to make lists of Things To Do, here's our list of things to do when you're stuck at home with two sick kids:
+ teach the three year old to wash dishes
+ wash all the backyard toys
+ play doctor about 5000 times. give "pokies." give kisses. take temperatures. listen to each others' hearts.
+ learn how to spell
+ reorganize their rooms
+ fruit cutting

and while it certainly wasn't the easiest week ever, it also wasn't the hardest. it was, however, a good lesson in leaning in: mama edition. i've spent a lot of time with my girlfriends talking about work and women and leaning in, but the lightbulb hadn't gone off yet about how much i want to lean in at home too. at 2am, i had to settle one crying baby so that i could wake up my toddler for the next dose of tylenol. there was only me, so i had to keep my energy up all the way through bathtime and on to bedtime stories. i had to show up and show up with everything i had. lean in.

but the best news of all? i was not alone. me, two sick kids, one poor neglected dog, and the sweet presence of the Holy Spirit, all stuck in the house together. from a sleepless night, to a fever that wouldn't quit, i had no fear because the Spirit felt so near. i didn't just lean in into thin air, i had God propping me up, going before me, and providing me with everything i needed.

and that reassurance made the whole week sweet. will that be good news for you too? that no matter where you're at or what you're dealing with, you are not alone.