mornings, lately

as i near the end of my pregnancy, i find that my priorities are often in contention. what i want to be doing and what i should be doing and what i can be doing are often in tension.

i want to work as hard as i can for as long as i can so that my time off will be gloriously guilt free.
i want to play and enjoy every last second with cruz as my only child.
i want to wash and fold and prep teeny tiny baby clothes.
i want to scour every inch of my house for every last speck of dust.
i want to take two naps a day.

do you see what i'm up against? (as i'm sitting at the kitchen table writing this, cruz is running around the living room hollering, "mommy needs a to-do list!" so now you can see that things have really gotten out of control around here)

sometimes you just have to find a plan, and sometimes that plan is ann voskamp, who is smart and articulate and because she has like six kids and lives on the canadian prairie, i usually trust her.

ann says to start your say with word in, work out, work plan.
so that's what i do with my mornings, lately.

word in.
this is not your glamorous devotion time. there is no cup of tea. i do not write in a cute journal while watching in the sunrise from my back patio. there are hardly any deep thoughts. there is me in my bed, struggling through the book of hosea. i fight off sleep as i pray prayers that mostly sound like "thank you" and "help."

work out. 
at least three mornings a week i like to start the day with prenatal pilates. i tell cruz that we're going to "work out with robin" and he immediately starts chanting, "and exhale! and exhale!" he gets it. i have really been loving robin's prenatal program and credit her workouts with how good i've been feeling since i began it. at 36 weeks pregnant with cruz, i had my feet up all day long and my back ached. comparatively, i feel amazing. doing prenatal pilates has been such a positive, healthy component of my pregnancy, i just can't recommend it enough. (you can find out more about robin's balanced beginnings program here)

this is how cruz does pilates. this is a leg left. 

work plan.
finally, as i eat my breakfast, i make my to-do list for the day. i think about work, about cruz, the house, and what we need to do next for baby girl. it gives me a little bit of control and helps to put my priorities in place. i could still do with another six hours in the day (and the energy to get through them all), but it's slowly getting done.

so that's us, lately. trying to find a little sanity and routine in the midst of a busy season.

how we get ready for a baby

less than thirty days until my due date, and we're kicking this getting-ready-for-baby thing into gear. here's how we get ready for a baby:

+ we wash everything. clothes, bouncy seats, car seat covers, and i even figured out how to soak the pack-n-play mattress. i have a deep cleaning schedule for the next thirty days. every week i take bags and bags and bags to goodwill. each swipe of dust seems to whisper, baby is coming, baby is coming. 

+ we assemble. swings, bouncy seats, closet organizers, mobiles.

+ we cook. during the week i double recipes and half gets frozen. i feel like a pioneer woman, storing up food for the winter.

+ we download apps. labor positions, contraction timers, checklists.

+ we relax. i breathe and picture my happy places during contractions. i do pilates. i listen to affirmations. i say no to some obligations so that i can say yes to my family.

+ we don't sleep. well, this one is just me. i creep downstairs at 3am. i eat a snack. i watch the west wing.

+ we cherish. last moments with an only child. last weeks of pregnancy, baby bum bumping up against my ribs. the last days of stretchy pants.

what {we} wore on wednesday

yesterday my prima asked me where all the wednesday posts had gone. "i've lost the will to get dressed!" i told her. and then i walked out of my house and accidentally met my new neighbor while wearing my maternity leggings and one of tovi's t-shirts.

so. cute.

time to regain the will to dress! thais, this post is for you.

cruz was up and at 'em today, excited to wear his new shirt. this kid is looking older and older every time i turn around! we took these pictures after his nap and on our way downstairs for our afternoon 'abenture.' obviously, big lion came along too.

i wanted to grab some jammie pics as well, but bedtime found him in the throes of a meltdown. it's tough being two! sometimes his nos mean yes and his yeses mean no. my little softy heart wants to calm all his tears and solve the problem by giving in, but fortunately tovi is alongside me to help me be consistent! so anyhow... no pictures of jams.

+ + +

dress that bump!

+ my favorite outfit of this bunch is the navy blazer, striped tank, red pants combo. i liked it so much that i wore it two days in a row. not even sad about it. 

+ i'm getting to the stage where people on the street say things like, "whoa!" when they see me coming. and by people, i mostly mean men. are men really this baffled by pregnancy? imma let you in on a secret: we get big.

+ last night we took a tour of the new maternity wing at the hospital. first off, it is gorgeous like a hotel. i'm looking forward to our stay! i found myself with tears in my eyes as we walked through the doors. it really hit me that our little miss is coming in just a few weeks, and that i have the profound privilege of laboring her into the world. 

just a few more weeks until there are two wednesday babes!

people gettin' all judgy

over the weekend i headed up my work's booth at the earth day festival. i enjoy earth day and it always makes me chuckle. there's just a whiff of (self-imposed?) trying too hard. i wore my free and easy maxi dresses, not the jeans and gap tee i've been favoring for the last eight months. i felt slightly guilty when asked by an earnest volunteer, "did you come car-free today?" uh, no, but now i wish i had! anyhow, it's a great festival. there's great kettle corn, good music, and i had a fun time.

except for two encounters that i just can't seem to get out of my brain.

the first was pretty humorous. a local farm had brought along some of their livestock, and they were allowing their turkey, pilgrim, to wander freely. the spot he chose for the entire two days was right behind me, which meant i had a giant turkey lurking near my backside all weekend. it was a little disconcerting. everyone loved looking at pilgrim. he seemed relaxed and even allowed crowds of kids to get in his face and pet him. but then one lady got upset. with me.

"your turkey is thirsty," she told me without introduction. "you really shouldn't even have a wild animal like that as a pet."
"that is definitely not my turkey," i shot back, thinking to myself, do i look like your average turkey owner? i pointed her in the direction of the gentleman who seemed to be in charge, and she marched off to confront him. i gave him what i hope was an understanding smile as i heard him defending the turkey, "well, turkeys are not wild animals," he explained calmly, before she continued her lecture.

my second chat with a stranger didn't turn out to be quite so humorous. she was a mom with two young girls in tow. i complimented them on their face paint and after they turned to go on to the next booth, their mom walked back to me.

"you shouldn't use cleaning products with chemicals in them," she volunteered, abruptly. "especially when you're expecting."
"um..." i replied eloquently.
"i sell this," she said, dropping a brochure into my lap. it was for a line of green cleaning products that i've wanted to try.
"you know, i usually make my own cleaning-"
she cut me off. "these are better. remember what i said about the baby." and walked off.

not a joke! i really do make my own cleaning products

now, this is not a post about how green i am, although i do try to make it a priority because i want my home to be a healthy place. it's not a post about whether or not animals should be wild or domesticated (we have a dog and i love eating meat, so...). but it is a post about the judgements we make toward strangers, and the opportunities we lose as a result. the second conversation made me especially sad because this woman and i probably have a lot in common! we could have talked about our shared values and why we strive to keep our homes as chemical-free as possible. i am a sucker for direct sales, so i probably would have even bought something from her! instead, she saw me, she judged me (for whatever reason), and we lost the opportunity to connect.

and how many times have i done the same?

a wise woman once told me that she operates from a position of presumed benevolence. isn't that beautiful? more simply, she assumes that people are trying their hardest, doing their best, striving for the best in others, and making the wisest decision possible, until it's proven otherwise. as i kept thinking about this post, i realized that i was judging these women just as much as they seemed to be judging me. i wasn't assuming benevolence. i wasn't assuming that they were coming from a good place. i have now spent almost a week storing up their words in my heart, instead of just laughing it off and moving on.

over the last year, this has been one of my favorite verses:

{via}

and now i think i need to turn it a little so that i can really get it into my heart:

becca, fix your thoughts about others on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. think of others as excellent and worthy of praise. 

+ + +

ps: meganace-- you've won a copy of bread & wine!! i'll be contacting you via email so that i can get your book out to you right away. enjoy!

cooking for my mom: bread & wine review, part 2

there are (somewhat obviously) so so many aspects about being a mom that i adore. i love cruz's little imagination. i love knowing the difference between a skid steer and an excavator. i love teaching him new songs. i love that he hands me the etch-a-sketch and demands, "write words, mommy." i don't even mind some of the bad stuff; i barely blink at a poopy diaper.

but i hate bath time.

i can't even get into what or why, i just have a mental block about bath time. i will do absolutely anything to get out of this chore.

my mom was here last weekend and like a saint she was upstairs giving cruz a bath. as the water began to run and bubbles were poured, i walked into the kitchen to prepare dinner. i didn't know exactly what i wanted to make, so i decided to employ a couple of shauna's cooking lessons that i had learned from bread & wine.

the first: start with what you have. i opened the fridge to find a half container of goat cheese and plain greek yogurt-- the building blocks of shauna's goat cheese biscuits. i pulled out a mixing bowl and started dumping. yogurt, milk, salt. the dough squished in between my fingers as i formed it into balls and dropped them into a pan.

the second lesson: more salt, more heat. in her chapter the chopping block, shauna describes a culinary boot camp she attended (and mom, we are so doing this!). the head chef told the students that all meals can be improved with "more salt. more heat. more butter." as the biscuits started to rise in the oven, i chopped chicken sausage, poured olive oil into a pan on high heat, salted gnocchi, picked basil from the pot next to the sink. the ingredients sizzled and melded and the house got quiet as cruz went to sleep under my mom's gentle watch.

the most important part of the evening was that i got to cook for my mom. she, who has cooked so many many meals for me, who has basted and roasted and stir fried and sauteed, all with love. when she comes to visit, i want to pay back just a smidge of that kitchen love. even though she put my son to bed, and probably even cleaned up afterwards, it made me feel good that i could make her one delicious meal. come back soon, mama. there are a lot more recipes in bread & wine for us to cook through. and cruz could use a bath.

+++

want to win your own copy of bread &wine? leave a comment below telling me who you love to cook for. good luck!