and here's what happened next
this is how the story ends, but it's not how it began:
one mama, one baby boy
who just can't get enough of each other
after thirty-eight weeks of dreaming, wishing, hoping, blessing, sacrificing and
seven hours of labor
he was laid in her arms.
she waited for the rush of love and the bursting open of her heart that had been promised
and she waited and she waited
he was small, swaddled, a stranger
she felt nothing and she knew something must be wrong with her
she smiled and chatted and felt empty inside
going through the motions, trusting that love would come
everyone else wanted to hold, to snuggle, exclaim
she just wanted a nap and a snack
how could she carry this baby for nine months and not know him?
she wanted to cry when he cried
but in secret
on the outside she wanted to hold it together
so that the people around her would think she was a good mom
that she wasn't overwhelmed
or tired
or lonely without a baby in her belly
but she was
then after days and weeks of going through the motions
of holding it together
of practicing love when she didn't feel it
he found her eyes in the mirror and locked his gaze
he settled sweetly into her arms
he slept through the night
he smiled when he was fed
and loved going shopping
she suddenly realized who he was:
hers
her heart began to grow
sizes in single moments
the shame she felt was replaced by grace
and by love
oh! by love
no reason to feel nervous to publish, ALL women feel this way! I was just talking to my Mom, who admitted when she heard the Dr at our ultrasound say "it's a boy" she held back tears, she wanted a granddaughter with pink dresses and bows. Now, she cannot imagine life without her precious boy Ziah. Love happens over time, whether it's a stranger off the street, or a baby from your belly <3<3
ReplyDeleteTruth and beauty!
ReplyDeleteBecca, thank you for sharing straight from your heart. I am moved to know your story, awed by your "acting" out love and moved by your discovery of finding love . . . and knowing.
ReplyDeletethank you all for your sweet comments! i feel like i learn more and more that being a mama is such a personal journey. no book, movie, cultural expectation, etc can define what that is for each woman. thank you for walking alongside of my journey!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you posted such personal thoughts. I am an adoptive mom to an older child and had to learn to love a child who is now my own. Amazing how similar our feelings are with such different paths to motherhood. Blessings!
ReplyDeleteImmediateMom, thank you so much for sharing and commenting.
ReplyDelete