the things they carried with them

it takes a lot to take a toddler out.

this morning cruz and i ran an epic amount of errands before heading to our baby boot camp. 

here's what i packed for us:

+ water bottle for me

+water bottle for cruz-- usually we share but tovi's felt a little under the weather and i didn't want to take any chances

+ snack packs of raisins, "goldfish" (the day he realizes that these are organic whole wheat bunny-shaped crackers instead of the bright orange cheddar-flavored fishes i've convinced him that he's eating, i will be in for a world of trouble), and a crusher

+ extra diapers

+ change of clothes

+ two books

+ three trucks

+ ten lip glosses (ok, those are for me)

+ BOB stroller

i also carry around a baby that works out-- beefing up with his daily "shush ups"

whew. no wonder my back hurts. 

s is for...

+ starting the weekend with homemade scones

+ #SheReadsTruth

+ sand and sun - at least until the wind chased us away

+ spoomies (and squirmies)

seeing my best friend andrea always does my heart good. she has the world's biggest heart, and cruz is her number one fan.

+ slides

+ Sea Center and the perfect Santa Barbara day

+ sleeping in the car every single day

baby Bible time

like all children of his generation, cruz has a thing for elmo. 

he can name most of the sesame street gang, but goes absolutely bonkers for the little red guy.

(side note: if i were a sesame street character, i would definitely be prairie dawn, which is super boring, but she does rock some awesome floral overalls every once in a while)

we have so many elmo books.

cruz loves to watch sesame street.

if you have an ipad, he will walk up to you and ask, "elmo?"

he will go nuts when he finally fits into his elmo t-shirt.

i desperately want to buy him an elmo doll because he will go crazy, which is exactly why i don't think i will buy him an elmo doll. 

but all of this elmo adoration got me thinking...

if cruz can pick elmo out of a monster-y line-up, surely he can recognize Jesus if i start sharing the gospel with him now.

so Baby Bible Time was born!

trucks, Jesus, Cruz... the gang's all here!

while cruz eats breakfast, i read a chapter from the Jesus Storybook Bible as i try not to weep into his yogurt.

i mean, here is an except, please grab a tissue:

Jesus walked into the little girl's bedroom. And there, lying in the corner, in the shadows, was the still little figure. Jesus sat on the bed and took her pale hand.

"Honey," he said, "it's time to get up."  And he reached down into death and gently brought the little girl back to life.

[i mean, seriously Jesus, you love us so dang much it pierces my soul]

after we read and clap for "cheesus," we color the Bible verse i've written out for us. 

cruz is a pretty good memorizer, so i say the verse many, many times over many, many days and then let him start filling in the words.

this week we are up to:

me: trust in the

cruz: Lord

me: with all your

cruz: heart

...they are weak but He is strong...

then we color while we talk about colors and shapes and letters, so that when cruz chooses to play trucks for the next ten hours, i feel like we've at least broadened his horizons in the morning. 

because here is the real thing: no matter what happens in his life, i want cruz to understand just a small fraction of the love Jesus has for him. love that would reach down into death for him. and that is worth a big aaaaaaamen. 

awkward and awesome.

awkward.


+ i've been filling in at my old job over the last few days. when i walked into the office this afternoon, i realized there was a series of stains across the middle of my skirt, right above the knees. the very same spot my son likes to bury his head.
+ a woman i had never met before made a comment assuming that i was pregnant after glancing at my tummy. i'm sorry. i'm just having a hard time getting over it.
+ that very same day, a woman laughed in my face when i told her i had a 19 month old son. "you're too young for a baby!" alright, strangers of america. if you're going to insult me, at least me consistent about it.
+ we got a basketball hoop for cruz today. i picked it up during our costco run. the hoop extends to six feet, so you already know that the box is much, much larger than me. i tried several ways to hoist it into the cart as a man walked by cracking up.
+ instead of reading one thousand gifts like you all suggested, i read we need to talk about kevin. will someone else please read it so that we can have a book club? it's super disturbing and i need to process it! basically, imagine a book about voldemort growing up as a muggle, and that's what kevin is about.

awesome.


+ early on friday morning i was cleaning up our bedroom and cruz was reading in his room. suddenly, he ran into the hallway, little feet stomping with excitement when he got to the baby gate at the top of the stairs. "truck! truck!" he yelled at me. yup, the garbage truck had arrived. i scooped him up and we ran downstairs. alberto, our collector, gave him a high-five and invited cruz into the cab to "drive" while he unloaded the cans. dream. come. true.
+ fueled by comments from strangers (see above) i've been eating really well and working out more. i feel awesome.
+ cruz is learning so much every day and i have to work hard to stay ahead of him! he knows all his letters and a couple of sight words. this is my dream come true.
+ the bachelorette starts tonight. yes yes yes.
+ cruz does push-ups ("shush-ups") every day. when he gets done, he pumps his fist and yells, "nice!"

What He Wore on Wednesday

waking up to a hot summer morning is one of my favorite things, and the last few days have been as summery as i could ever dream. however, as a month, may is a total tease. we get back into the rhythm of warm mornings, hot afternoons. we cook summer foods and all i want to wear are maxi dresses. 

and then june arrives. terrible, terrible gloom in june. 

let's live in denial for a few more weeks, yes?

here's to summer babies!

cruz has officially lost his baby look. this guy is all toddler now!

i think of the hours from 4pm-7pm as the fourth quarter of a football game. i'm exhausted. i've run out of activities. it's hot, but the team is relying on me to push through and the finish the game strong. we usually spend a good hour of the fourth quarter walking ("wah-KEEN!"). the path around our community is almost a mile around, and cruz walks the whole thing on delightful chubby toddler legs. every puppy, car, new friend, airplane is just as exciting as the one before. he absolutely amazes me in his capacity for enthusiasm. 

but if mama tries to get him to take a picture instead of letting him watch another car go by-- watch out. he's ready to throw down.

i spent the rest of our walk trying to get a happy picture of him, but he's too fast!

mama, boy, lion.

cruz loves letters and reading. he loves to point out all the letters on our walks. i am (almost) ready to forgive nine months of morning sickness because of his blossoming reading skills. 

settling in for some bedtime reading wearing spaceship jams. "you are special" is a new favorite for cruz (and an old favorite of mine). cruz calls it "waffle" which makes me question all the times he's asked for waffles for breakfast. tonight  i asked cruz to read the story to me. (this will make the most sense if you've read the book before, which you should). here are the cruz-notes: dot. star. cochello. sucia. shop. ye-li. why? o' course! made you. ground.

happy wednesday! xo. 

sometimes you go to the beach

sometimes when you're having a frustrating season and then you talk about it on the internet, which of course makes you feel vulnerable and raw and out there, a friend will say unto you, let us go to the house of the Lord which is of course the beach.

so you'll meet there with hot drinks and the babies will steal each other's shovels and chase after puppies and shove simply unbelievable amounts of sand into their mouths. you'll shake your heads together and say all that organic food! that we prepare! obviously sand is much tastier!

the waves will crash and sand will be in between your toes and you'll remember that this is what God made you for. for the worship that happens when you love His creation. for the joy that happens when you do His will. for the peace that comes when you don't check your email for an hour or two.

your friend will look at you and say something wise like taking your kid to the beach and sitting and talking is good parenting. she will be so right.

bedtime prayers

when i started blogging, i promised myself that i wouldn't skate over the hard parts of life.

it is important to me that i be raw and real, to share the bad with the good.

but over the last few weeks, i have felt such a heaviness in my heart. i have only had the bad to write about, and i just couldn't bear to put the words down.

enough.

that has been the word on my heart lately.

do you know the accusing voice i'm talking about?

you're not good enough.

you don't take care of the house enough.

your health is not good enough.

after that woman asked, "how far along are you?" you knew you weren't thin enough. 

wife? daughter? friend? employee? not good enough.

so i've stayed quiet and waited for the voices to do the same. 

here's a voice i love to hear:

every night we pray with cruz.

we say, "thank you God for..." and then let him fill in the blank.

his prayers are both thrilling to my heart and hilarious.

tovi and i glance over his sweet, earnest head and hold in laughter while he prays.

"thank you God for..."

trucks.

trucks.

abby.

mommy.

trucks.

cheezus.

cars.

dada.

trucks.

yes, amen. that is enough.