feeling a little tender

hey guys, this blog post is going to be about nursing!

nursing? you say. back it up, girlfriend. i'm not nursing/pregnant/a woman/interested.

but guess what? i reply.

someday you or someone you love will be.

and then you'll wish you had read this.

you're welcome.

i will be the first to tell you that nursing is not easy.

in the hospital, i tracked down every staffer possible and asked them to watch cruz nurse.

even some interns.

even perhaps the guy who brings the food.

in the hospital, cruz seemed to eat like a champ and everyone was generally pleased with his progress.

at home, i kept a stack of nursing books by my side and vastly appreciated the presence of my lactation consultant mother.

and guess what? it was still hard!
so hard that cruz went about 24 hours without eating anything. and that was before i ever noticed that we were having problems. 
yup. it's that hard.

here are a couple of things i didn't expect:

• the pain. oh the toe-curling pain!
• the constant need for snacks
• the absolute frustration of not being able to feed your baby correctly
• the nursing and poop tracking charts that the hospital sent home with us. who knew you needed to write this stuff down? 

and one more:

• i absolutely fell in love with nursing. love it. it is unlike anything else i have ever done in my life.

cruz and i have had our share of problems in our nursing relationship, but overall i have felt strongly that most mamas and babies will be able to nurse as long as they want to with the appropriate support (casual and professional) and education. 

i have planned to nurse cruz for a long time and have felt so good about that decision.

until recently.

cruz is popping in four teeth at a time, and as babies are wont to do, he wants to bite.

bite chew chomp gnaw

while we nurse he bites me until i bleed. 

every. single. time.

remember that stack of nursing books i own?

i have tried every anti-biting suggestion.

i have called la leche league.

i have talked to many many mamas.

our lactation consultant told me i had the hardest (haha, we're still laughing, right?) case of biting she had ever seen.

our pediatrician finally asked me to take a nursing vacation for three days.

if that didn't break his biting habit, i would pump for as long as possible, and we would start formula if necessary.

there have been a lot of tears over this.

cruz has cried too.

i don't really know why i've been so emotional over the potential end of nursing.

it will end someday.

before he goes to college, right?

i've been worried about the loss of those sweet, peaceful moments.

(well, the moments when i'm not nursing while watching Real Housewives)

i've been worried that my baby son won't really be a baby anymore.

So big and independent!

ok, guys. the truth is that while things change, i won't lose the connection with my son

(at least until he's a surly teenager).

clearly mamas don't need to nurse to bond with their babies.

i'm just feeling raw and vulnerable and you can just imagine how i feel when things don't go according to my plan. 

so can i ask you for a favor?

if you had trouble nursing or bottle fed or weaned earlier than you had planned, would you mind giving me some advice about how it went for you?

or maybe just some encouragement in general that we get back in our normal groove?

were you emotional about weaning or am i just crazy?