What He Wore On Wednesday

Happy Wednesday, Cruz Lovers!

Take a gander at this young man.

So big, right?

I just love this early morning light.

Cruz loves reading his books.

And by reading, of course, I mean flipping through the pages energetically and occasionally giving them a loving chomp.

Cruz has learned how pull himself up.

I love that I caught this moment.

"Whoa! What's back here?"

"Let me get a little closer..."

"I'm awesome."

Enjoying a pre-bedtime wrestle.

Goodnight!

let me pause this moment

please, let me pause this moment

when your spills can be cured with a kiss

when whatever i'm doing is what you want to do too

when i keep you away from the dog's water bowl

before i have to keep you away from scary things like drugs or the internet

or bieber fever

let me pause this moment because

you are curious rather than cynical

because everyone you meet is a friend

because i am your favorite person in the world

simply because i am

your mother and through

no achievement of my own

let me pause this moment because

you taught yourself to climb stairs but

you are slow enough for me to catch you first

because you still take three naps a day

and you eat whatever i put in front of you

let me pause this moment

because every day you are more precious and

more loved and i am afraid

that one day my heart

will simply

burst.

feeling a little tender

hey guys, this blog post is going to be about nursing!

nursing? you say. back it up, girlfriend. i'm not nursing/pregnant/a woman/interested.

but guess what? i reply.

someday you or someone you love will be.

and then you'll wish you had read this.

you're welcome.

i will be the first to tell you that nursing is not easy.

in the hospital, i tracked down every staffer possible and asked them to watch cruz nurse.

even some interns.

even perhaps the guy who brings the food.

in the hospital, cruz seemed to eat like a champ and everyone was generally pleased with his progress.

at home, i kept a stack of nursing books by my side and vastly appreciated the presence of my lactation consultant mother.

and guess what? it was still hard!
so hard that cruz went about 24 hours without eating anything. and that was before i ever noticed that we were having problems. 
yup. it's that hard.

here are a couple of things i didn't expect:

• the pain. oh the toe-curling pain!
• the constant need for snacks
• the absolute frustration of not being able to feed your baby correctly
• the nursing and poop tracking charts that the hospital sent home with us. who knew you needed to write this stuff down? 

and one more:

• i absolutely fell in love with nursing. love it. it is unlike anything else i have ever done in my life.

cruz and i have had our share of problems in our nursing relationship, but overall i have felt strongly that most mamas and babies will be able to nurse as long as they want to with the appropriate support (casual and professional) and education. 

i have planned to nurse cruz for a long time and have felt so good about that decision.

until recently.

cruz is popping in four teeth at a time, and as babies are wont to do, he wants to bite.

bite chew chomp gnaw

while we nurse he bites me until i bleed. 

every. single. time.

remember that stack of nursing books i own?

i have tried every anti-biting suggestion.

i have called la leche league.

i have talked to many many mamas.

our lactation consultant told me i had the hardest (haha, we're still laughing, right?) case of biting she had ever seen.

our pediatrician finally asked me to take a nursing vacation for three days.

if that didn't break his biting habit, i would pump for as long as possible, and we would start formula if necessary.

there have been a lot of tears over this.

cruz has cried too.

i don't really know why i've been so emotional over the potential end of nursing.

it will end someday.

before he goes to college, right?

i've been worried about the loss of those sweet, peaceful moments.

(well, the moments when i'm not nursing while watching Real Housewives)

i've been worried that my baby son won't really be a baby anymore.

So big and independent!

ok, guys. the truth is that while things change, i won't lose the connection with my son

(at least until he's a surly teenager).

clearly mamas don't need to nurse to bond with their babies.

i'm just feeling raw and vulnerable and you can just imagine how i feel when things don't go according to my plan. 

so can i ask you for a favor?

if you had trouble nursing or bottle fed or weaned earlier than you had planned, would you mind giving me some advice about how it went for you?

or maybe just some encouragement in general that we get back in our normal groove?

were you emotional about weaning or am i just crazy?

What He Wore On Wednesday

Wednesday, Friendsday!

You know, somedays we spend a lot more time in our jammies than I would like to admit.

But who cares when the jams are Dragons Making S'mores Jams?

That's what I thought.

Here's Cruz, looking like a scholar in his rugby shirt.

(Rand, you are rubbing off on him!)

And oh yeah!

We're crawling.

With that comes a whole host of new challenges.

And also, let's be honest, some delightful moments. Poor, sweet Abby...

Cruz is taking an afternoon rest with his sippy. Such a big boy!

Okay, I honestly don't know what I buy this baby any toys. He loves playing with everything in our kitchen!

Angel baby. 

Cruz and I have been having a rough week together, but moments like these just melt my heart

 and keep me encouraged.

Love and blessings,

Becca

life and Life.

Tovi, Cruz, and I just returned from a weekend in Monterey celebrating our

birthday (his)

anniversary (ours)

birthday (mine).

Totally fun. 

It was a weekend that was full of joy and happy accidents, but absolutely tinged with grief.

We found out that a friend and former roomie of mine passed away after a long struggle with pulmonary hypertension.

Katie, there is no one I know that lived with such a zest for life. 

Your exuberance was matched only by your desire to be with Jesus.

From the amount of times I walked into our room to hear,

"Darling! Don't worry; I'm just studying naked in my bed!"

I know you're pretty stoked to be living in the Garden right now. 

You absolutely taught me to live everyday with celebration and reckless joy. 

Thank you.

And while I spent a lot of the weekend with tears in my eyes, here is some of our joy.

At our anniversary dinner! Five years of marriage!

Cruz was excited too.

Of course I found the most nautical spot in the playground.

Family picture. 

My favorite part of the picture is the foot descending down the ladder.

That kid was not going to wait for us.

We drove 17 Mile Drive to try and get Cruz to nap.

The drive was amazing and clearly he is awake.

We went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium and I totally nerded out over the jellies and sunfish.

Should've brought along my marine science species cards (which I still have, y'all).

We took this picture to show how tall Cruz is.

But really it just shows how short I am. 

I hope that whatever you are doing today is full of joy and celebrates the small everyday moments of life.