happy birthday, cruz man

dear cruz,

today you are three, and i don't even know, kid. there it is-- kid! you are all kinds of grown up and even though you're still my baby, you're not my baby. even in the last few weeks, your language as been exploding. your sentences are grown up ("my arms are too short to reach the ipad!" #omgfirstworldtoddlerprobz) and today you told me, "no, mommy, uh-uh" in a sassy voice that sounded eerily just like mine.

i think you're the greatest. even your quirks and toddler-ness is endearing because underneath it all you are mine, and geez, i just love every single thing about you. cruz, you are a man with a plan. i can practically see the gears turning in your head. you are constantly raiding our drawers and cabinets to create collections-- my hair sprays, our candles, the spice jars. your enthusiasm for your projects is catching.

you are clever. we were singing in the car the other day, "i know Who goes before me / i know Who stands behind / the God of angel armies / is always by my side." i asked you if you knew who we were singing about. "God," you answered, and then i could tell you were thinking a little bit more. "God is running around cruz!" you shouted. sweet, smart boy. you love to read. you count to twenty. you can spell about ten words. you love to write the letter h.

and for all the ways that you're growing up, you are still my little boy. when you're sleepy, you burrow down into my neck and i swear to you, it takes all of my self-control to set you down into your bed and not simply hold you for as long as you'll let me. after your nap your drag lion downstairs by one arm, wearing little boy undies and a t-shirt. you gives kisses on the shoulder. you are in awe of the men on tovi's soccer team. you wriggle under their arms and tap their heads, as if you can't believe how close you can get to your heroes.

and you are mine. from the first minute we see each other in the morning and you shout, "it's mommy!" as i open your door, to playing in the backyard, to setting you down in your room until you settle from a tantrum, to the way you end our prayers with "a is for amen!" you are wholly mine. every single minute that you have been alive, you have been loved and cherished. you will be loved and cherished every single minute of the rest of your life.

like i tell you every night, cruz, may the Lord bless you and keep you. may He make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. may He grant you peace, today, now, and forever. a is for amen!