the in between

maundy thursday, good friday, easter sunday. we're stuck on saturday, this in between place despair and hope. does this lonely saturday even have a name?

we are walking into trader joe's and there's a man sitting on the sidewalk with a sign asking for help, his free hand scratching the sweet scruffy dog beside him. cruz strains toward them, leaning out of his stroller. "puppy! puppy!" he calls out. "hat!" the man wears a hat and gives us a half-smile.

i half-smile back, filled with shame because cruz sees a friend where i see someone to avoid. 

we go into the store, we shop and i can't get the man and his dog out of my mind. 

among our easter treats, we pick up puppy snacks and a gift card. 

we chat with the man afterwards, gave him our small gift, pet the dog, and cruz was overjoyed. 

and i get it. 

i know that this does nothing, really, in the long run. 

i know that one gift card does not change a life.

it is such a small gesture and the world is so big.

i realize that there are a hundred what ifs.

what if he isn't really poor.

what if he uses the money unwisely.

what if he's dangerous.

and yet i started crying as we walked away.

if there is ever a time when cruz feels unsure enough of our love that he doesn't come home, if there is ever a time that he doubts us and does not run to us for help, Lord, let there be someone out there who sees him as a Your child. let there be a stand-in mom. flood his life with overemotional mothers who just can't walk by somone else's son without giving him some extra love. if there is ever a time when life has seemed to pass him by, Lord, please please chase him down and remind him that Life is from You. 


is this how You felt on that first lonely Saturday, that day between despair and hope? did you feel that Your People were so unsure of Your Love that they ran from You in their shame? did You know that we needed a stand-in? thank You for chasing us down.